Tschüss, Auf Wiedersehen, Au Revoir, Ciao, Sayonara, Adios, Do Svidanja, Goodbye

Now that it is February and I have been home for about a month and a half (crazy by the way), I have decided that it might be time to, sadly, end this blog. It had been an amazing adventure I have had, and the year of 2010 will forever have a giant piece of my heart. With that said, I have to face it that I am back living in the US (for now ^^) and therefore my adventures in Germany have really come to an end. And without German adventures, what's the use in this site? Not to mention, I find that every time I come to this blog now, it just really makes me sad and depressed. Because I have nothing 'new' to add, except that I of course miss Deutschland and all the people in it. So it has come to the time that I must discontinue my writings here. It has been a lot of fun along the way and something I will look back on for the rest of my life and cherish. I thank each and everyone of you out there that took the time to peek in now and again and see what was going on in my crazy life. I feel as though writing here has been an amazing experience, and not to mention extremely therapeutic at times, so I have decided to keep it up--just not here. In the next few weeks or so I plan on starting up and completely new blog to share my new stories and adventures from the next chapter of my life. Wherever that may be. Blogs should be happy and funny and fun to read, and I feel as if this one has just been sad lately. So it's time to officially say goodbye and move on. Again, thank you all so much for reading, it means a lot to me to know that you had the desire to see what I was up to, even if it was just ever so often. Whenever I make my next new blog, for those of you who are dear friends to me, and who I know read this one often, I'll send you a link via Facebook. For those of you who are outsiders from all over the world who don't actually know me, but have seen through my eyes through these posts, I'll link the next blog when it is made to this website as well. So check back in a few weeks.

It's been a wild ride, and I wouldn't change a single second of any of it. I made life-long friends and family in Germany whom I will love for the rest of my life. They opened their homes and hearts to me, and for that I am forever grateful. I love you, Deutschland.

Over and out,
xoxox
Megan

:'(

Ich vermisse Bonn täglich.
Ich habe angst zu mein Deutsch verlieren.
Ich vermisse die Lebensart da.
Ich vermisse die Deutsche Leute!
Ich vermisse Bertus und Lisa und Kai und Johanna und Christiane und Jalle und Sunna und Felix und natürlich meiner kleiner Cutie Bär!
Aber Leben müss lauft.
Und ich bin hier und sie sind da.
Das ist echt Scheiße!

Ich vermisse Deutschland.

One Month Home

So it's been about 2 weeks since my last entry, and as of tonight at around 8 or so, it will officially be a whole month since I have touched down back in Ohio. It all seems so surreal. I would love to keep this blog going, because in a lot of ways I think it's really helpful and therapeutic and not too mention fun to look back at many of the posts. However, I feel as if nothing exciting is happening in my life since I have been home, so there is nothing to really write about. When I try to think just a month ago I was living in Germany, everything seems like a dream. It's hard to describe, but it's just a complete 180 in the sense of how life has changed since returning to the US. And it's not that I think one is better than the other (referring to the US and Germany), but each have their own pros and cons. But one thing is for sure: I miss the Ubahn. I would often find that my time spent waiting for, or riding the ubahn or buses or trains in Germany were some of my favorite. I know that sounds insane, but to be honest it was always a time where I could just listen to music and collect my thoughts. And I enjoyed that. I think one of the other reasons adjustment back to American life has been difficult in some ways is because I haven't really been able to see/spend time with my friends that I missed so dearly while over there. It is nice to be just a text away from all of them again, but I think I won't really get back into the groove of enjoying everyday life here until I am able to arrange more meet-ups with my friends. But with them being scattered all over the East Coast, and me still without a steady income, I'm not able to take the time to go out to DC and see most of the people that I can honestly say I have missed every second since the day I left Morgantown on graduation day in May of 2009. I'm still trying to figure out what my next step will be. I would love to get my Masters, but just don't know if it will be worth all the debt from student loans that I would most likely need to take out to achieve. I also looked into a program at Uni Bonn back in Germany, and as much as I would love to do it, and think I would be a great fit for it, I just don't know if a job/career would come out of it, and without that, is it worth it financially? I just don't know. If you couldn't guess, I feel very confused with my life right now. With where I should be going or headed and what I should be doing. I know it will eventually all fall into place, I just wish it would hurry up ;)

Alright, I'm going to get back to cleaning up the house a little bit. My good friend Dan that I met while at WVU, who now lives in Cincinnati, is coming up to Columbus for a visit this weekend, and I'm really excited to see an old friend. So back to tidying up! Hope all is well with everyone that is reading this, no matter where you are--and hopefully you're not snowed in like I am here in Ohio. xoxo MegLett

Re-Entry Shock: It's Real.

Although I still need to finish about 28294032027 entries, and I apologize for my laziness, I still wanted to come and write really quickly about what its like to be home. Besides trying to find a job and the everyday grind aspects, life being back is strange to say the least. In a way, it's as if I just came home and immediately fell into exactly where I left off, which is good and bad at the same time. I have been home in Ohio for just a little over 2 weeks at this point, and it already feels like it has been months since I last walked the streets of Bonn. And I hate that. I hate how my time there already seems so far away, and dreamlike in many ways. I often find myself reminding myself of the little things, like waiting at the Hbf, or sitting on the ubahn going over the Rhein, just to remember that it was all real. My life here and my life there could not be more different. If the opportunity presented itself where I could find a job and actually support myself there, I would return in a heartbeat. But the reality is, I need an income, so having to get a job here is my only option. I miss speaking and hearing German. Much more than I ever would have imagined. I recently have gone to the nearby library (something that we get better here in the US than over there), and rented 3 German films to watch without subtitles. I also have decided I officially need to finish the first Harry Potter in German that I started months ago in Bonn. I miss Kai and Lisa and Johanna and of course Emilian so much, and think of them daily. I miss Bertus more than I think even I like to admit to myself, but I just remind myself that I will return. Becoming re-adjusted to my old life here is harder than I ever thought possible. It comes down to living here with part of my heart missing and resting on the banks of the Rhein.

My Last Days and a Christmas Miracle!

Wow. More than 2 weeks have gone by since my last update, and in these past 2 weeks so much has happened, so much has changed. Monday, December 20th came quicker than I ever could have imagined. Leading up to my last day in Germany was a busy time and not to mention an emotional roller coaster. Coming to grips with having to leave that place and all the people there was beyond difficult. For the last week or so leading up to it, I often would find myself just being so overwhelmed where I would begin to weep, and after a few moments, it would pass. It was draining to say the least. My flight was scheduled to leave early morning on Monday the 20th. Starting about 4 or 5 days before my departure date, we started to get a good amount of snow fall (as did most of Western Europe). Toward around the Friday night before, news reports were coming out of many of the major airports around the continent being closed due to the weather. Heathrow in London, Charles de Gaulle in Paris, and countless others around Western Europe were shutting down leaving thousands of travelers stranded. So needless to say, I was a little weary as my departure date grew nearer. On my last Saturday in Germany, Lisa had invited all her brothers and sister and mother over for a final farewell. Bertus was still in Mainz until later that night, but Lisa's mother, her brother Jalle and his girlfriend Alicja, her sister Sunna and brother Felix all came over. We all sat around and talked and ate a late lunch. I was able to keep it together for most of the day but then came the time when Lisa's mother presented me with a going away/Christmas gift and that just did me in. I tried not to cry to much as I opened it, but again, it was an extremely emotional day/moment. Not to mention the fact that I was in no way expecting presents, and just the constant showing of love and affection just really got to me. Next Lisa and Kai gave me a neatly wrapped little box. I opened it, again in between weeping sessions, and in laid a beautiful Certina swiss-made watch. I have never in my life been one to wear a watch, but then again, never had a really nice one. I now wear the one they got me all the time. It's so beautiful, I love it. They also had it engraved to say on the back "Germany 2010". It is so great and I think of them every time I look at it now. I love it. After a few hours it was finally time to say my final goodbyes to them as they were planning to leave. Even as I write this I'm a mess, I can't tell you how hard it was to have to hug them all one last time. I mean, I know I will see them again, but it's just so sad. Because with each hug to them, I say goodbye to a little piece of Germany.

...work in progress

eine Woche noch. . .

I have come to accept the fact that I will be moving on from this place, but I don't think it has yet to really truly sink in that at this time in one week, I will be in the air flying west. I think my mind is tricking me into thinking that it's just for a vacation or holiday, but it's not. I am in fact moving back to the United States in a week. That is absolutely crazy. I have lived the last 14 months away from everyone and everything I have ever known to go pursue an adventure. My time spent here will be time that I will look back on fondly with great memories and amazement. I don't think I will truly grasp the idea that I won't be waking up to seeing Emilian or Lisa or Kai anymore, until after at least a month or two back home. I am going to miss them so much. I can't even begin to think of how much little Emiliano will grow by the next time I get the chance to see him (which will hopefully be this coming summer). And I can't really even think of not seeing Bertus yet. Granted, I haven't been able to see him pretty much at all in the past 6 weeks because of his work, but the idea of him being so far away will be odd. These people have become my best friends and family in the past year, and I am so thankful that fate would have it that we would come into each others lives. But when I start to become sad, I then think of how exciting it is to be looking forward to being surrounded by my American family and friends--the people that have known me for years, and who I always feel at home with. And of course, don't even get me started on my dogs ;)

One week. It's going to be an emotional roller coaster in these next several days, that's for sure. But then again, I think I am going to be too focused trying to figure out how in the HELL I am going to get all this stuff home without having to spend a million dollars. So I send my apologizes now to the poor sap that will be sat next to me on the plane, because I have a feeling, that will be the time that all these emotions will come pouring out. So, guy sitting next to me in a week: Sorry, my B.

As of right now, it being 1:40pm on Monday, December 13th, I have exactly 6 days, 17 hours and 20 minutes left in Deutschland. Ugh. I'm going to be a wreck.

Coming Home

So I have to int interrupt my retelling of my Vegas adventures to post about a big decision I have made in the past week. In the past few months I have becoming more and more unhappy around here. Don't get me wrong, I love my host family and living in Germany, but as time went on, I found myself missing my family and friends more and more and not to mention I felt that I had lost some of my independence and a little bit of myself. Bertus and I weren't able to see each other in weeks because he was so busy with work in Mainz and that put a big strain on both of us--especially him. Last Sunday (Dec. 5th), he let me know that he was unhappy with a lot of things, and although it was sad and upsetting for sure, it's something that I knew deep down would always have to happen--to officially break up. I was trying so hard to want to love being here so much more because of him, but knew that my true place is to be laughing with family and friends surrounding me, and that for me is found at home in the US. But in reality, I am grateful for him to have been brave enough to confront the situation and bring up the end, because I never would have, and without the end of us, I would never 100% convince myself to return home. I have no ill feelings toward him or anger whatsoever. He was my best friend here and I had the best year with him. Honestly, there is no way I think I would have made it this long without him. And for that I thank him, and I expect him and I will remain good friends for the rest of our lives. And who knows, maybe someday our paths will cross again--and I fully expect him to visit Ohio at some point and finally meet everyone!!! :) ..so Bertus, if you're reading this, start saving money now!

So with that, the decision was easy. It is time for me to come home. It is sad, and I know I will be upset when I am forced to officially say my goodbyes to Kai and Lisa and Johanna and of course little Emilian, but at the same time, I am bursting at the seams with happiness at the thought of being home again. I've loved my time here and will remember it for the rest of my life, but I belong in the US. So, America, I'm coming home. I had a flight scheduled to come home for Christmas for 9 days, leaving Germany on the 20th and coming back on the 29th. But with this new change of plans, I will be flying home, and just staying. Everything has been coming so fast, for I now leave Germany in a week. A WEEK! I fly from Düsseldorf at 7am to Paris, then catch another plane to Charlotte, NC, where I once more change planes and arrive to Port Columbus International Airport at around 7:30pm EST. And from there I set out on my next life adventure--with all my favorite supporting cast of characters around me.

So everyone back home reading this, you have one week to choreograph and rehearse the following for my arrival. I look forward to seeing everyone soon! All my love, Megan