:'(

Ich vermisse Bonn täglich.
Ich habe angst zu mein Deutsch verlieren.
Ich vermisse die Lebensart da.
Ich vermisse die Deutsche Leute!
Ich vermisse Bertus und Lisa und Kai und Johanna und Christiane und Jalle und Sunna und Felix und natürlich meiner kleiner Cutie Bär!
Aber Leben müss lauft.
Und ich bin hier und sie sind da.
Das ist echt Scheiße!

Ich vermisse Deutschland.

One Month Home

So it's been about 2 weeks since my last entry, and as of tonight at around 8 or so, it will officially be a whole month since I have touched down back in Ohio. It all seems so surreal. I would love to keep this blog going, because in a lot of ways I think it's really helpful and therapeutic and not too mention fun to look back at many of the posts. However, I feel as if nothing exciting is happening in my life since I have been home, so there is nothing to really write about. When I try to think just a month ago I was living in Germany, everything seems like a dream. It's hard to describe, but it's just a complete 180 in the sense of how life has changed since returning to the US. And it's not that I think one is better than the other (referring to the US and Germany), but each have their own pros and cons. But one thing is for sure: I miss the Ubahn. I would often find that my time spent waiting for, or riding the ubahn or buses or trains in Germany were some of my favorite. I know that sounds insane, but to be honest it was always a time where I could just listen to music and collect my thoughts. And I enjoyed that. I think one of the other reasons adjustment back to American life has been difficult in some ways is because I haven't really been able to see/spend time with my friends that I missed so dearly while over there. It is nice to be just a text away from all of them again, but I think I won't really get back into the groove of enjoying everyday life here until I am able to arrange more meet-ups with my friends. But with them being scattered all over the East Coast, and me still without a steady income, I'm not able to take the time to go out to DC and see most of the people that I can honestly say I have missed every second since the day I left Morgantown on graduation day in May of 2009. I'm still trying to figure out what my next step will be. I would love to get my Masters, but just don't know if it will be worth all the debt from student loans that I would most likely need to take out to achieve. I also looked into a program at Uni Bonn back in Germany, and as much as I would love to do it, and think I would be a great fit for it, I just don't know if a job/career would come out of it, and without that, is it worth it financially? I just don't know. If you couldn't guess, I feel very confused with my life right now. With where I should be going or headed and what I should be doing. I know it will eventually all fall into place, I just wish it would hurry up ;)

Alright, I'm going to get back to cleaning up the house a little bit. My good friend Dan that I met while at WVU, who now lives in Cincinnati, is coming up to Columbus for a visit this weekend, and I'm really excited to see an old friend. So back to tidying up! Hope all is well with everyone that is reading this, no matter where you are--and hopefully you're not snowed in like I am here in Ohio. xoxo MegLett

Re-Entry Shock: It's Real.

Although I still need to finish about 28294032027 entries, and I apologize for my laziness, I still wanted to come and write really quickly about what its like to be home. Besides trying to find a job and the everyday grind aspects, life being back is strange to say the least. In a way, it's as if I just came home and immediately fell into exactly where I left off, which is good and bad at the same time. I have been home in Ohio for just a little over 2 weeks at this point, and it already feels like it has been months since I last walked the streets of Bonn. And I hate that. I hate how my time there already seems so far away, and dreamlike in many ways. I often find myself reminding myself of the little things, like waiting at the Hbf, or sitting on the ubahn going over the Rhein, just to remember that it was all real. My life here and my life there could not be more different. If the opportunity presented itself where I could find a job and actually support myself there, I would return in a heartbeat. But the reality is, I need an income, so having to get a job here is my only option. I miss speaking and hearing German. Much more than I ever would have imagined. I recently have gone to the nearby library (something that we get better here in the US than over there), and rented 3 German films to watch without subtitles. I also have decided I officially need to finish the first Harry Potter in German that I started months ago in Bonn. I miss Kai and Lisa and Johanna and of course Emilian so much, and think of them daily. I miss Bertus more than I think even I like to admit to myself, but I just remind myself that I will return. Becoming re-adjusted to my old life here is harder than I ever thought possible. It comes down to living here with part of my heart missing and resting on the banks of the Rhein.

My Last Days and a Christmas Miracle!

Wow. More than 2 weeks have gone by since my last update, and in these past 2 weeks so much has happened, so much has changed. Monday, December 20th came quicker than I ever could have imagined. Leading up to my last day in Germany was a busy time and not to mention an emotional roller coaster. Coming to grips with having to leave that place and all the people there was beyond difficult. For the last week or so leading up to it, I often would find myself just being so overwhelmed where I would begin to weep, and after a few moments, it would pass. It was draining to say the least. My flight was scheduled to leave early morning on Monday the 20th. Starting about 4 or 5 days before my departure date, we started to get a good amount of snow fall (as did most of Western Europe). Toward around the Friday night before, news reports were coming out of many of the major airports around the continent being closed due to the weather. Heathrow in London, Charles de Gaulle in Paris, and countless others around Western Europe were shutting down leaving thousands of travelers stranded. So needless to say, I was a little weary as my departure date grew nearer. On my last Saturday in Germany, Lisa had invited all her brothers and sister and mother over for a final farewell. Bertus was still in Mainz until later that night, but Lisa's mother, her brother Jalle and his girlfriend Alicja, her sister Sunna and brother Felix all came over. We all sat around and talked and ate a late lunch. I was able to keep it together for most of the day but then came the time when Lisa's mother presented me with a going away/Christmas gift and that just did me in. I tried not to cry to much as I opened it, but again, it was an extremely emotional day/moment. Not to mention the fact that I was in no way expecting presents, and just the constant showing of love and affection just really got to me. Next Lisa and Kai gave me a neatly wrapped little box. I opened it, again in between weeping sessions, and in laid a beautiful Certina swiss-made watch. I have never in my life been one to wear a watch, but then again, never had a really nice one. I now wear the one they got me all the time. It's so beautiful, I love it. They also had it engraved to say on the back "Germany 2010". It is so great and I think of them every time I look at it now. I love it. After a few hours it was finally time to say my final goodbyes to them as they were planning to leave. Even as I write this I'm a mess, I can't tell you how hard it was to have to hug them all one last time. I mean, I know I will see them again, but it's just so sad. Because with each hug to them, I say goodbye to a little piece of Germany.

...work in progress