Life around here, I'll admit, has been really stressful for me in the past months or so. The company Lisa and Kai work for was doing so badly that they decided to move (I think by sometime next month, but I'll get to that in a bit), are getting rid of their cars, got rid of the cleaning lady and things of that nature. Because they are obviously going through this tough time, I am trying to be there for them whenever they need me, but at the same time, the whole feeling of needing a break is always there, and especially now, stronger than ever. My problem of course is that I feel guilty, that I shouldn't feel this way considering I am not in Lisa or Kai's shoes where the real problems are. But even the guilt doesn't change the fact that I feel a lot of weight on my shoulders sometimes. Speaking of a break, we were originally supposed to be on vacation right now on the Spanish island of Mallorca (I wrote about it here before I believe). I was pretty excited, but from the moment when the flight and house were booked (back in early Feb.), August just felt so far away that it wasn't real. Then in around May or so, Kai and Lisa began talking about changing the trip from Mallorca to spending 2 weeks on the sea in Denmark. Lisa came to me in about early/mid July telling me that, now that everything is being changed, and their are no flights involved to the trip to Denmark, that I could of course choose to stay home and have those 2 weeks alone if I wanted them. I thought it over, and as much as it would be nice to go, I also thought (as some of you may have read in previous posts) that I was desperate for some alone time away from everyone. As nice as they all are, it's hard for me being 24 to be thrown back into a young family atmosphere with family trips and things--especially with at the end of the day, they aren't my family. But then came the end of July, where the whole situation with Kai and Lisa's company got at it's worst point. So understandably, they decided to cancel the trip plans and just not go anywhere. Which like I said, I completely understand the reason behind it and everything, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck any less. I'm not going to lie: I was really looking forward to some time off/alone. But alas, sometimes life doesn't work out the way we have planned, right?
The other factor of some major stress for me, and for everyone I'm sure, is the whole pending move we will be making sometime next month. Again, with all the problems in their company, Kai and Lisa decided it was best to move to another house with not such high costs as the current one we are in. From all the places I have heard them mentioning and what not, I have gathered that where ever we end up moving to will be some ways away from Bonn-(The first house they looked at was about 45 minutes by train away, and the most recent one they looked at was a bus and a train away of about 35 minutes or so). Once again, I feel like such an asshole when even I sit here and write all this because obviously it's completely their choice to live where ever they want and really is none of my business. But it just sucks, for me, moving to a new country, expecting to being in one place--which is a city that I have fallen in love with and have finally settled in and know now, and then end up living out in the country. I've already had a hard time here making friends, and just fear that it will be magnified that much more once I'm living out in a small town in the middle of nowhere.
Okay. I guess I got some of that off my chest now, and feel a little bit better. I apologize for the first thing I write since my last post like, 3 weeks ago, is basically me just complaining. And I feel bad. But yeah, I needed to tell it to someone, and with really no one here to talk to that understands it all, I thought what better than to pour it all out into the internet. So sorry. I promise that my next post (and I'm going to be better about updating again!) will be something not so Debbie Downer. I hope all is well with everyone back home, and I am SO looking forward to my 2 weeks spent back in the US in October! I seriously can't wait! And also a special HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Granny who turns 86 tomorrow :) I miss and love you and hope you are feeling better! Miss and Love everyone always!
xoxox
MegLett
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